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I was un-churched raised in a house full of alcoholism, sexual abuse, control, manipulation and emotional chaos. This contributed to teenage years of rebellion, drugs, alcohol, bad grades, promiscuity and total disregard for self.

In 1993, I found Jesus, but it was a very one-way relationship. I tried to play the part, got married, completely replanted myself, and left my old ways. I was white knuckling it, but this proved not to work, as I still had issues that were unresolved. I left that marriage and continued pulling my trailer loads of pain around. I became a single Mom of 3 and did my best raising my kids, I eventually did get in a relationship through which alcoholism re-entered my life. As an adult, I attempted to "fix". I was sober now, but with an anxiety issues, control issues and deep co-dependency.

In 2011, I began attending a church, but struggled to get connected. I sat in the back row, resisting engagement, essentially remaining nameless. However, I made a decision to help with the greeting, and with that, I found a person I could trust who was in recovery. I soon found myself in a step study learning that I was sick, that I had a people problem, and that I needed help.

There was so much pain and regret. I had no self-worth. God was about to tell me who I was because I had no idea. With the loving help of the Pastor and his team, and the process of the 12 steps I processed through the pain that had spanned decades with a new definition of who I was and what I was made for. My heart became whole and I began to step to God's glory as a leader in Celebrate Recovery. Today I am also a Hope Dealer as a member of Broken Chains, a Fellowship of Bikers who have found healing in Jesus Christ through the ministry of Celebrate Recovery. XXX All the Glory to God! Thank you Jesus for not leaving me where I was. Thank you for bringing others to meet me where I was to walk me to a safe place to unpack and heal. I will forever be grateful.

Thanks for letting me share.